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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in The Listening Ear's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
11:50 pm
definition, please?

this one boy.

he txtd me, and now were cool.

this is my online journal.

im random.

thoughts going in and out.

idk what to say. 

gona see my aunt tomorrow, she is visting from ireland.

what i would love more than anything right now (well at least its what i think i need) is a person (preferably a boy) to hold and hug me. the warmth would be more than welcome.

i see my lovelife as more than nonexistant, its more like extinct,  granted i may be over reacting, but its what im thinking at the moment.

field hockey was terrible. i think i may have asthema or something. i just know that it was hard to breathe.

im pretty sure that no one reads this.

but its nice to know that i have my thoughts down somewhere. and typing is wayy faster than writing.

im writing a school related paper at the moment, actually. and it sucks. im in the honors course of english.

my best friend, at least i think shes my best friend, all we do is text each other. but we never see each other. she doesnt live in town. and actually hanging out with her is a real treat. but idk when the next time thats gona be.

i just dont wana become too caught up in something, then being told i can have it any more.

it breaks my heart.

i dont care if that sounds corny.

i think im lying to people. my default. is how i look on not a regular day. i usually look like shit.
the good pictures always come every 10 or so.

gah im tired.

i want someone to hug and hold me now, and not someone from the family.

i would like to have a working car...

im tired.

im sad.

im full.


hold me.

want me.

need me.




how philisophical.


(Lend Me a Hand)

Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
1:45 pm
I'm a newbie... flat out... but please!
I would really like to get some people to check out what it is I have posted. I have a serious matter I need some help with, and ya'll are all I have! I know that probably sounds sad, huh? But, it is true. Anyhow, check out my entry and please leave some creative criticism behind.

Thanks a bunch.

(Lend Me a Hand)

Thursday, January 19th, 2006
10:21 pm
I need help!
I have a lot of strange perceptions and oddities, that I have no clue what that means as far as disorders go because my dad refuses to take me to a therapist.

I'm going to list them, and would like to get further help on how to help myself with this problem... and understand if this is a disorder or what in the world is wrong with me.

(1) I rearrange my room about 3-4 times a month, on an average of once a week. If I don't rearrange it, I can't sleep at night.

(2) When I'm in the bathroom, I always hear either a child crying or talking in front of the door, and I hear the telephone ring when it isn't ringing. (could this be because I was molested by my grandmother in the bathroom when I was younger?)

(3) I hallucinate in random periods in my life, but during that period it happens a lot. I used to hear a male voice that whispered my name. I hallucinated as a child too, but it was very mild. I had a panic attacks on 2 occasions.

(4) When I raise my hand in class to say something, a lot of times for no reason my heart beats so hard I can see and hear it pounding. (& I feel like others can too)

(5) Sometimes my mind jumps to analytical reasonings on why my best friend (and only close friend) isn't really my friend and he is decieving me. Then I become very cynical and think that everybody is like that which is why I don't make very many friends. My mind keeps up those thoughts at a fast rate and it's VERY hard to control it. I start crying like a madwoman and I feel like all the world has left me and there's no future...I jump around to different cynical thoughts. wtf?

(6) I NEVER finish anything I begin. I make a painting and it's hard to finish, I usually start another painting and then repeat the cycle until I get enough time farther from the first painting that I can finish it...even when I'm doing my homework it's like I can't finish the last 3 questions... ??

(7) Probally like every other month I get extremely paranoid and scared that there is a ghost following me around the house and is right on my shoulder. I get scared that I am possessed, and I kinda still believe that I have another spirit living inside of me.

(8) I am terrified of huge spaces. I can't even leave the house anymore, except for school but even that is scaring me. When I was in the mental hospital my room was extra huge and I started feeling really scared, like the room was just getting bigger and bigger and I couldn't sleep.

My uncle is a schizophrenic if that helps at all. When I used to see therapy my therapist asked if I had any schizophrenics in my family so just thought I'd let you know. I know I'm not schizophrenic.

Thank you to anyone who will help me, I'm really desperate for answers. Thank you! =)

(3 Helping Hands | Lend Me a Hand)

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
9:14 pm
My best friend moved a couple hours away three years ago. We tried to keep the relationship intact as long as possible, but it just couldnt handle the distance. The last time I talked to her on the phone was about 5 months ago; and the other 6 months before that call. We talk online maybe once a month, but nothing more than a "hey, how are you doing...thats good to hear" kind of deal. I learned that her mother died a few days ago from cancer and feel real bad that I didnt hear it from my friend. There is going to be a memorial service on friday, and I kind of want to go. I would just like to know if it would be inappropriate for me to go to the service. Keep in mind that I havnt seen my friend for over a year. I dont want her to think that Im there for the wrong reasons.
Id love to hear everyones thoughts. Thanks.

(Lend Me a Hand)

Thursday, September 30th, 2004
11:21 pm
I need help.

To make a long story short... I just got out of a 3 year abusive relationship, which left me the single mother of one wonderful little boy, Aidan (he'll be 2 in November). Paying for diapers, groceries, etc. wasn't a problem while I was in the relationship, but for my own health I had to get out of that.

Now, my problem is, I'm working, but I can't afford diapers, food, warm clothes, or anything I need for my son. I can barely afford the gas money to get to work, on top of babysitting $ and food.

I guess what I'm asking, and I'm sorry if I'm coming off sounding like a beggar... but if there is anyone out there who is better off than I am, if you could help me out in any way, I'd be VERY thankful. I don't have much support from my family and I really don't have any friends who could help me out, most of them are younger than I am anyways.

This is my last resort. If you could please help me, my email is plsmachic@excite.com, or I could email you if you comment with your email address.

Again, I'm sorry for asking, I just don't know where else to turn.

~* Laura *~

Current Mood: scared

(2 Helping Hands | Lend Me a Hand)

Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004
2:24 am
my situation.........
As bad as my relationship with Travis was, I never thought he'd leave. He left last Saturday, and now he won't return my calls or anything, or scoop the cat litter, which I can't do. Up until the 6th (Monday, labor day) of September, he was saying he was excited to be a father, he was so happy and excited to see her, he wanted to be a good dad, then he changed his tune. On the sixth he said he was scared, and that he didn't know if he could do this, then on the 9th (Thursday), He said he was afraid that our relationship wouldn't last because the baby would be an added stress and we couldn't make it work, and he tried as hard as he could (which to him means working, not going on the computer so he couldn't look at porn, not going to his friends house so I knew he wasn't looking at porn and not playing video games as much as he used to) He said that he wanted to do more with his life (he's the laziest man I have met, he won't go anywhere) and that if we gave the baby up for adoption we'd have a chance at the relationship, but not with her. He packed up on the 10th (Friday, left on the 11th(Saturday) , and except for a few heated phone conversations, we haven't talked, and I don't think he will. I don't even know if he was truly excited about her. I think I scared him by saying that this could work and it would be ok, and trying to get married- He doesn't have people in his life that tell him things like that, but he really won't now. I was honestly the best thing to happen to him. I would've stuck by him through anything, and already had my fair share of disappointment in this relationship. I'm off to try to find a job (Ha, like anyone will hire me now) and to join single mothers communities.

(2 Helping Hands | Lend Me a Hand)

Thursday, May 6th, 2004
11:54 am
Opinions PLEASE
My fiance for looking at internet porn a lot just because I don't give him as much sex as he would like, Do I still have the right to be upset ?

Current Mood: confused

(5 Helping Hands | Lend Me a Hand)

Friday, October 24th, 2003
7:02 pm
helllllp please...
i need a non biased person to tell me how they think my ex feels about me, given this conversation...i know its not much, but any opinion would help. thanks so much=)

things to know that might help:

im a juinor hes a senior
and it was a long distance relationship
but we did/do see eachother at tournaments 3 times a month usually

me: besides the obvious reason of you dating ashley, i dont see why we're not togther. and thats not neccessarily a proposition but it really blows my mind

him: ya, i can't think of any other reason besides ashley

him: did you two talk ths weekend?

me: -- i dont know what to do, ive given her the oppurtunity to bring it up...but she hasnt, and i can understand why...but im not going to jump at her. like ill tell her straight up, im jealous of her situation, but it doesnt mean im plotting her demise.

me: so if she ever senses any hostility (which i dont think i give off, but regardless..the subconcious is a wonderful thing) that its out of jealousy...and not anger at her or you

me: thats as honest as i can be

him: fair enough

me: i dont like feeling not adequate enough

him: why do you feel not adequate? you are more than adequate love

him: if you weren't, we wouldn't have been together so long and I would have stopped caring about you

him: but because of things that have happened between us and things in our own lives, I'm with Ashley now

him: but that has no bearing on your adequacy as a person

him: like you could have almost any guy you wanted

me: none of them know me as well as you do

him: granted that may be true

him: but thats not a reason to not give them the opportunity to

me: i dont want to be with them

him: i'd be lying if i said i didn't have feelings for you, because i always will

him: but the timing is kinda messed up because im with ahley and i like her a lot

me: thats fine, but i think im better for you then her atleast i think i could be

him: even if thats true, i won't know that until im with other people

me: i agree

him: alli, you know i think of the world of you and always will

him: and i was really happy when i was with you

me: where did it go wrong

him: but i think im learning a lot about myself right now and i don't think it'd be fair to me or you if we were to get back together

him: like you and i are awesome for each other, but what if theres that someone (unfathomable to us right now) that we're even better with

him: but we'll never get the chance to experience b/c we instictively go back to each other, ya know?

me: i dont think getting back together is neccessarily the answer right now, i just dont get

me: ya i understand, and i respect that i just dont look at it like that exactly

him: and i think we need to take it slow, like we've just begun talking again and chilling with each other since we broke things off and i think we should be happy about that instead of asking "why isn't it more?"

me: sure, thats why i was reluctant to continue talking to you again

me: and it was proabley a mistake

me: for that reason

him: but us talking is a prerequisite if anything is to happen down the road

me: ya i agree its just hard to realize that i guess the benefits outweigh how i feel right now about it

him: fair enough

me: i think relationships with other people are good, like sam treats me really well and all its just id give it up in a second. and im sorry there wasnt really any solution i was proposing i just wanted you to know that i thought that

him: no, i completely understand

him: and im glad that you shared your thoughts with me

(3 Helping Hands | Lend Me a Hand)

Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
10:20 pm
I feel like such a weirdo...

I've been talking to one of my friends I met on LJ,
Through my friend's "friends list."
I've been talking to him recently and I'm beginning to like him... a lot.
This isn't the lame liking someone who lives 200 miles away from me.
Because I have met him in person...

He's super sweet to me and asked me to go to a coffee shop,
the day and of course time he was playing guitar there.

Ever since, I've been super attached to him...
A girl has broken his heart for about a year now...
And he's still hurting... and I just wish I could hold him.

I'm questioning whether I should tell him how I feel about him
We still talk about hanging out some time.
And he's the only reason I sign online...

Should I tell him how I feel,
even though I don't know him extremely well?
...Even though I haven't seen him in almost 2 weeks?
Or should I just wait to get to know him,
better so i won't scare him away?


(4 Helping Hands | Lend Me a Hand)

Monday, September 15th, 2003
12:21 am
This is being crossposted to many many places, so if you are a member of more than one, I apologize. I just really really need some advice.

Okay, first of all I am a 17 year old girl. I am currently living at a friend's house [I left my own last week]. This move has given me some time to think over my situation, but the one thing I am having quite a bit of trouble with is this guy. I've known him for about a year now, and for 11 months of that year he has been dating my friend. Recently my friend has left on a 6 month trip, but they are still dating. However, for the year that we have known each other, I have been 'in love' with him. I had put aside my feelings so that he and my friend could be happy, but now that she's left I really am feeling it. We're friends, and hang out constantly, and have quite a bit in common. He is clueless about the drama I have created for myself, but for me its torture. Since I've been living at my friend's I turn to him for advice, and now I just don't know what to do. It hurts to be around him and just be friends. If you look in my journal you can tell how obsessively I post about it. Its kind of sad.

But if you have any advice for me at all about what to do, I would be SO grateful.

EDIT: I just posted about this now because earlier today I called him and left a voice-mail asking about what we should do tonight, and he didn't call back so I kind of am nervous. I really need to talk to him, but it would be hella nicer if I got some advice first so I don't screw up the one last thing in my life that I really don't want screwed up. The whole thing is, is that I am feeling lonlier than ever because some of my friends are there for me, but a lot aren't, and I really want someone like him there for me. I can talk to him about me not being home and whatnot. So its a big deal to me.

Current Mood: sad

(2 Helping Hands | Lend Me a Hand)

Sunday, April 6th, 2003
4:56 pm
I hate a LOT of people. and I hope they all die. when i say "a lot" i mean pretty much every person I know. if you're one of the special few who I DO NOT mean that towards, you'll know it, trust me. anyways yeah- basically I'm just learning that the world is full of awful people who i hate and who i never want to see again, but unfortunately I KNOW i will. fuck em, why dont i just be a little fuckin punk like the rest of them and wear headphones so's as i dont have to talk to anyone and dark glasses so i dont even fucking have to look at them. fuck all the little "punkers" I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE. why dont you just go away and wallow in your own "self-pity" (a sad, shallow method of trying to get people to tell you how cool and PUNK you are) and leave us the fuckl alone. go listen to something with loud out-of-tune guitars and screaming skinny shitheads who are SO COOL they've decided they're not going to wear whole peices of clothing without rips or studs or un-nessisary patches on them. PATCHES ARE FOR WHEN THERE'S A HOLE IN YOUR CLOTHING THAT NEEDS TO BE COVERED UP. NOT FOR TRYING TO MAKE A FUCKING OLD ASS FASHION STATEMENT. i know that most people (if any do) who read this will be pissed and get all self-righeous on my ass, but i don't give a fuck because im fucking pissed of and ready to cry because i hate all of you SO much. on the other hand no one will probably read this and it will remain commentless and i dont care about that either cuz no one fucking comments anyways cuz they're too busy getting fucked up, that or they really just dont give a shit. I FUCKING HATE YOU AND I HOPE YOU DIE. i dont know how many times i can say that, i just can't stress it enough. i want to ghet bombed tomorrow and then this peice of shit america will be done with.

Current Mood: dissapointed

(3 Helping Hands | Lend Me a Hand)

Sunday, March 2nd, 2003
7:33 pm
My wife......
Since we got married in Dec., my wife has been completely insane. She's treating my like crap and making all sorts of stupid demands and she's accusing me of cheating. I don't know what to do anymore, so I'm turning to this community and my friends for some advice.
She's pregnant and at first I blamed her mood swings and irrational behavor on that fact, but now I think there is a deeper reason as to why she's so angry at me.
She doesn't want me to use the computer anymore, because she is convinced I'm having an affair with one of my friends.
Ugh.....what do I do?
We are in therapy. But I feel like Emma isn't really teling the truth to the doctor. I feel like she's keeping a huge secret from me....ugh....I'm confused. HELP! :\

Current Mood: confused

(7 Helping Hands | Lend Me a Hand)

Sunday, January 19th, 2003
10:45 pm
My Love Is Real
I just had this sudden urge to go upstairs to my mom's room and gush on how great Chris is to her. I really wish I had someone I could do that to right now! He just left and .. I don't know ...I was just thinking about how WONDERFUL he is. Today we argued a little, but then we got all REALLY sweet to each other. It must be something that HE'S doing a little different that caught my attention. I was just in the way he looked at me, or the way he kissed me...I just wanted to run upstairs to my mom and gush about it all. Then eventually get to the point to where I want to scream about marrying him. I guess things seem to be going great lately. I actually see us getting married or spending the rest of our lives together. I really love him.

Current Mood: enthralled

(Lend Me a Hand)

Wednesday, January 8th, 2003
12:04 am
When the hated become friends...On the next Oprah!!
lol sorry Jake...i figured if i needed a talkshow host...i'd use the one that was already mentioned earlier!!!

So today at work, I purposely sat beside this chick i absolutely used to hate. we had been talking a little and it was all pleasant so..i figured i'd test to see if she'd talk today since none of our mutual friends were around. it was amazing!! we actually sat there and just talked and joked around. she's a really nice person when you don't try to hate her...and i guess she found out the same thing. I don't know..it was just really neat to know that we've both kinda grown up and looked past the stupid stuff we used to worry about...unlike some people i know.

well anyways...i'm going to get going ...toodles you people!!

Current Mood: happy

(2 Helping Hands | Lend Me a Hand)

Friday, December 13th, 2002
11:06 pm
I made plans to see Chris tomorrow after i got off work...well today he tells me that he's going shopping with a friend instead. So he tells me "I'll stop by later"

so I get leftovers. as always. *sigh* i hate this. his friends don't work...he can see them whenever. i work 5 days out of the week. don't get off work any earlier than 7pm...and when i do i stop by to see him...he's got a friend over and then tells me he's going with him shopping tomorrow..and will PROBABLY see me afterwards...if not he'll see me sunday. god that sux. i told him i was going to come over after i got off work. i hate that. i hate having to see him for maybe 2 hours and having to go.

I'm going to stop dropping by. maybe then he'll notice that we really don't see each other that much. *growls* i hate that he broke plans with me to spend the day with someone he can see any other time. i really can't stand it.

I suppose he'll spend Tues (17th) with his friends too..or maybe Weds too. i'm going to stop going out of my way to see him. it really pisses me off that i'm not as important..and he said he wasn't buying anything. so ...i mean...damnit... god i hate this. i really do
fuck it. i'll leave...go out ..let him call me i'm not calling him before i go to work...he's the one leaving ..he can spare to call me. i'm getting sick of having to call him..and having to drop by to see him...only for him to break my plans so he can go off with other people. fuck it.

Current Mood: crushed

(3 Helping Hands | Lend Me a Hand)

1:13 pm
hey guess what?!?
it's cold outside. i hope it doesn't snow.

I'm off on Christmas Eve!!!!

by the way...i think i'm staying with my job.

Current Mood: ecstatic

(Lend Me a Hand)

1:10 pm
wow...guess what today is???

Which Batman Villian are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

Today is pajama day at work. you never get that..haha. so i'm going to wear my Hello Kitty pjs :0) come to think of it, i need Hello Kitty slippers. not to mention, Kelly said there is a Hello Kitty blanket in Claires.

Current Mood: chipper

(Lend Me a Hand)

Thursday, December 12th, 2002
10:41 pm
today is not my day...
Earl's Cold shirt did not come in today, like it was supposed to. I payed for 2-3 business days, and it's not here. I'll just get a refund.
I'm working the weekend that Earl leaves.
god, just let me be able to switch weekends, PLEASE.
I don't know what I'll do if I can't...
I'll seriously cry right there in the office.

Current Mood: upset.

(Lend Me a Hand)

Wednesday, December 11th, 2002
11:32 pm
Do you ever feel like you need more freedom?
I need more freedom but I can't have it right now.
I don't have a job (I need one so bad)which means no money so I can't support myself.

Current Mood: blah

(1 Helping Hand | Lend Me a Hand)

Tuesday, December 10th, 2002
11:12 pm
my theory: stupid people suck, hypocritical people suck more!!
it's cold in my room. you'd think my parents could spare a little heat. i look in the floor and all i see are sleeping cats! it's crazy. siesta? maybe.

in other news:

still no sign of a christmas tree. Chris' tree is getting full :) my desk also is.. *growls* I may not be rich but i work for my things...unlike a lot of people who just have things handed to them and they think the world is so harsh they should hide behind an unrealistic wall they put up. people that can't deal with the world.. i don't know what to tell them. you gotta love the people who work their ass off for what they have.. i'd say princesska did that :) she used to work at Applebee's. If her job was like my sister's, i know she worked hard :) I'd have to give her props for that. my friends and i are all inbound telemarketors. it seriously sucks. we put up with crazy people all the time. i'd say our money is well earned. i'd also like to give props to all the people who work and go to school that's really tough. take it from me, you must be a hard worker to do that.
and for the people who work to pay off all their bills. young people, already paying bills. i give you props for that too. for young mothers, single mothers who take care of their children without thinking about what you need first.. i give my heart to you guys(actually gals, but you get me). you're so great for that. it must be a hard job to do..

Current Mood: pleased

(Lend Me a Hand)

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